Re: General Board « Result #3 on Mar 6, 2008, 11:46am »
I keep reading that the a certain hockey god named M Rushton (Millions to some) has performed shamefully in the name of the great game over the last two weeks. He has been lamthingyed on this very satanical web site and in the much revered local rag thereby casting a very black cloud over the whole of the hockey establishment. All of this I find greatly disturbing! Surely I am not alone in the knowledge that all these are merely cover stories to hide the truth which is that this "All-Round-Good Egg" has slipped below the radar on a most secret and daring and deadly mission overseas! For those of you who do not know, this young blooded man is really a secret agent of her majesty's government! SHOCK! For the past fortnight he has been aboard risking all for king and country! GASP! I can't say too much (web-walls have ears!) but let me elaborate this way. Everyone knows about the great adventures of Tintin, well consider the Thompson twin characters aka Millions & Thousands! (his brother) whom are currently employed in the deadly search for Hitler's secret treasure hoard allegedly hidden on the slopes of the Matterhorn, under the third pine tree on the right! Unbelievable I know. Furthermore they are ably assisted in this quest by the fearless little dog Snowy aka Neil Brickley! WELL! To conclude, when the mighty warriors return to the nest of the Duke don't for pete's sake let on you know about their other life, just a manly pat on the rump in passing or lone in the bogs will be sufficient for them to know that you know what they know, what!
Captains Log « Result #4 on Oct 26, 2007, 7:21am »
as leader of the elite drinkers of Barlaston I thought I should provide feedback on the season'e performances to date and heap praise and pour scourn on those who have influenced my regime!
Game day 1 - 2 -1 victory over Oswestry
a full strength side delivered the start for which we all never expected. 2 Goals from the number 10 delivered the goals, too many drinks for Bagshot the night before ensured no more were added.
Game Day 2 - 0 - 0 with Stafford
Best performance from 9 men, worst performance from the dobbers up front! Special mention for Gunny who in only his second game of the season turned up prompt for the game at 2 only to find out the game started at 1!!!!! Former Captain Gaz Morris found that now without the burden of responsibility of leading the team could attempt to headbutt the opposition without feeling any guilt whatsoever.
Big Ron put in a sterling performance but would not realise that actually this expected every week, only to find out two weeks later at streetly.
Game day 3 8-0 Victory versus Yardley
Was it pillings appearence that brought the scoring spree, was it Millions being 'done' by a 75 year old and knackering his calf or was it the 10 men we faced?????
What was true was that Seb scored 3 and didn't buy a jug, Baggy managed to score 2 through a pair of beer goggles and Big Ron knicked a goal on the line from Mark Milnes (very good work). The loss of Gaz Morris to a self imposed exile to take stock of his disciplinary record didn't seem to disrupt the teams work ethic.
Game Day 4 lost 5-2 to Streeltly
Well it had to come to an end!!!! Morris' absence became all to apparent as the midfield legs could not compete with the well tuned machine of a relatively fit Streetly side. Ben Elvis' return coincided strangely with what seemed to be the fastest left winger in history (or so it appeared when both were running).
The new ideas the opposition put into practice like working hard and having practised short corner routines were a shock to the hacking, wheezing and hungover playing style of my team.
My attempts to improve our performance by gently cajoling Big Ron into working back seem to have met with some interest as I encouraged and mentored said left winger. I am sure Ben Elvis can recount a similar show of man management from Oswestry last year.
And so onwards and upwards to match day 5 where great things are expected and very little probably achieved.
Re: Hockey God « Result #5 on Oct 26, 2007, 6:18am »
As a self confessed hockey GOD, i would like to ask a question, when landing a headbutt or throwing a deadly punch how can i make sure i make sufficent contact with the opposing player?????
Re: General Board « Result #6 on Sept 6, 2007, 8:10am »
THE TRUTHSEERER SPEAKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! read on:
The Lies Alert Alarm has sounded again at the department of "Fair play & justice". I refer to the latest pile of bile posted on this shabby electronic spiddery web nutse!
So I see some bright spark has decided to rate (or be-rate ha,ha) the perfomances's of certain souls during this year's desert campaign.
A good idea to highlight the adventures of those chosen to defend the BHC flag in far flung fields of the empire such as Middlewich!
However, alas, what we read here once more are the ravings of some simple minded, pale, spotty IT gek who is most obviously fed on a diet of mispresentation and a side salad of hearsay!.
Therefore allow the Mistro of truth and honesty to provide an accurate account of the summer Swan's super star performances as witness from my fox hole in the front (goal) line.
Lets start at the top, with field marshall, commander in chef dsc n bar, Fred Marsden ( captain fantastic to the chaps). How long has he commanded the Swans? for more summers than a Glastonbury feastival, but this must be his strongest season to date, leading from the front, bagged 4 goals, what a star! Rating - 11 out of 10.
Next, Private Longsdale, this lad never gave in, took bucket size scoops of earth with each swing of the stick, Rating 9 out of 10.
Then, Corporal Green B, what a whippet, his movement from one side of the field to the other was breathless, bagged 2 goals (laid on by the captain), Rating 9 out of 10.
Next up, Gunner Gun N, Mr Voice, what pace round the flanks with or without the ball, Rating 8 out of 10.
Nextly, Chief Petty officer Lewis R, ramrod straight left back, loves to roam. Must may been a blackout during his 4 goals no one can remember them. Rating 8 o f 10.
Following on, Sargent Milne M, AKA the wind so called for the way he twists through the oppostion. He may have missed a couple of difficult sitters nevertheless Rating 7.5 out of 10.
Not forgetting Major Millions M outstanding repertoire of late match cries offs, what an act Rating 8 out of 10.
A big hand for Lofty Bagshot, this lad grows in stature (or compost) if he gets any taller he'll have snow on his lid, top goal scorer with 5 (all supplied by the captain) Rating 8 out of 10.
Make room for Mid Ship Man Amison, so fast he leaves the ball behind! could do with longer shorts though, Rating 8 out of 10.
And finally, oh dear oh dear, Galley Lad Lewis S, no goals, no spine, no hope, only made the squad due to kindness of the captain, seldom available always prefered to spend time attending his thinking group evenings with similar single minded folk of not the full shilling varitym RATING 0.5 out of 10!
So join me in thanking the Funkster for providing such a summer of muscle hockey and lets have a whip round for him. I believe he needs cash to fund his next overseas trip to Tesco, USA.
Re: Tuesday Training « Result #8 on Apr 4, 2007, 3:12pm »
You had better believe that the training has improved. Lets all try and support the efforts of the new generation. Lets face it, it can't do any worse than the older git's
Tuesday Training « Result #9 on Mar 29, 2007, 11:05am »
If you haven’t already found out Rich and Mark have started running a
master class
in how to play hockey on a Tuesday night. So it would be nice to see people showing their faces to either pass on their experience, or learn some new skills and more importantly get fitter.
Re: Hockey God « Result #10 on Mar 29, 2007, 11:00am »
I’m sorry Gaz I am going to have to take the title of Hockey God of you all because last Saturday the opposition’s player and one of our own players called me a hockey god. So from that i am The Hockey God!!!
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